Drive-By Abuser iPhone App? looks like it an’ all

Thinking about buying an iPhone App? yeah looks like it ’an all! welcome to the official iPhone App of the Drive-By Abuser, yeah? With 43 ball breaking audio clips from everyone’s favourite animated man on a scooter, it’s the perfect way to lift the spirits of any occasion. That wedding getting everyone down? Cheer people up with a blast of “It’s all a load of bollocks innit!” Dreading that meeting with your wife and children? Just press ‘See Ya Around Yeah!’. Driving past a village flowerbed? Press ‘Village Flowerbed is it?’ and leg it before the vicar declares you a public menace. Sample clips include the classic ‘Mate! Oi Mate!!’, the unforgettable ‘You’re stuck in a rut!’ and the highly versatile ‘Baking a French stick are ya?’ It’s also got that one about Baron Lord Dave Fontleroy. Play it through your phone or, better still, plug it into the car stereo and frighten bystanders as you’re waiting at the traffic lights. Good luck to you yeah! I wouldn't have the fucking nerve!! Get your hands on it here.

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CHAOS LABORATORIES

coming soon from Modern Toss brand new online series starring Paul Kaye and Simon Day and loads of little red things with legs...

TRAIN ATTACK!!!

Home-Clubber Book

More like this in the best of Home-Clubber book out now yeah

Final Call For Friends

That's right. Last chance to get your name printed in the back of 'Drive-by Abusers Collected Thoughts Book. Become a part of history!! Cheers. Click here to become a friend
Offer open until Tuesday 20th October 5pm.

Penultimate Call For Friends Yeah

That's right only a few more days to get your name in the back of the "Collected Thoughts of Drive-By Abuser" poetry book. see here.  Cheers.

Drive-By Abuser on National Poetry Day

To Commemorate National Poetry Day, Drive-By Abuser is proud to preview a brand new poem from his forthcoming "Collected Thoughts" book.

The Furrier

What you using Oselot?

got to hose the guts out first

it's only little innit

probably get an arm out of it

fiddly fucking job yeah

still, get it's arsehole in the right place

and you'll be able to put a button through it

makes sense don’t it.

Advance order and get your name printed in the book as a "Friend of Modern Toss" click here  

Call For Friends!!

The Collected Thoughts’ of the Drive By Abuser
Advance order only – to be released November 15th
At last! Due to the public overwhelmingly asking for it! Modern Toss are proud to offer this limited edition release from the Modern Toss cultural stable. A beautifully hand-stitched, slim volume of cultural significance. This 36 page Poetry style treasure trove of half baked musings from the maestro of the moped would make the perfect gift for yourself or someone you know who can read. Illustrated throughout with an HB pencil. Become a friend and patron of this important piece of literary history by sending us some money pronto and we’ll whack your name in the back in time for Christmas. It’s pure class so don’t muck about! Strictly limited name space available. see here

Win a signed Home~Clubber book

Yeah that's right, give yourself the chance to win one of our new home~clubber books by answering this bollocks easy question. This is what it says on the back of the book: Ever found yourself sitting in a chair year after year watching the world go by on the internet and pontificating about it to another bloke who’s not interested? Got the concentration level of a moth? Welcome to the world of Home-Clubber, the cut-price Giro philosopher whose ill informed musings and half baked ideas have appeared in The Guardian Guide every Saturday since he finally got out of bed in 2004. Now in one indispensable volume the armchair bound, council-bothering prince of nonsense refills a fresh tumbler of non specific cheap booze and re-heats 150 or so prime slices of his idiot wisdom. It’s all here... Why seagulls live in cupboards, how Hitler’s drum kit ended up on eBay, why window baked chicken is improved with a pre-layering of sun cream and how old video tapes of Top Gun can be recycled as octopus chandeliers for profit down the local market. Snap it up and settle back with a thick crust of clubberthink. Cheers yeah.